C I N D E R E L L A
ACT 1 - Scene 1 - VILLAGE GREEN
All Cast SONG and DANCE
At the end of the song curtains close. Narrator comes F.O.T. through the middle. As she is talking walks over to Glenys. Stays there.
NARRATOR - Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. Welcome to our pantomime. Tonight we are going to tell you the story of Cinderella, Once upon a time long, long ago, before McDonalds and mobile phones, in a far away land, up the M62 past Rochdale, there lived a pretty and cheerful child called Cinderella. (Ellie comes through the middle of the curtains, stands and waves at the audience and says)
ELLIE - Hello, my name is Cinderella and I am a pretty and cheerful child.
NARRATOR - She lived in a lovely village called Flixtonia-by-the-sea with her father Baron Hardup, who is a bit of an old softie.( Sue 2 comes through the middle of the curtains,stands and waves at the audience and says)
BARON - Hello, my name is Baron Hardup and I am a bit of an old softie.
NARRATOR - And her mother Baroness Hardup whom I fear is not long for this world. (Luisa comes through the middle of the curtains, stands and waves)
BARONESS - Hello my name is Baroness Hardup and the scriptwriter says I am not long for this world.
NARRATOR - And her elder brother Jamie who is a kind and likeable lad. (Jamie comes through the middle of the curtains, stands and waves at the audience and says)
JAMIE - Hello my name is Jamie and I am a kind and likeable lad. (All 4 stand in a line.)
NARRATOR - Every day (curtains open on to an empty stage. Baron and Baroness link arms as do Jamie and Ellie and start to walk round the stage. All cast drift on and they all greet each other and start chatting) they come down to the village to have a chat with their friends. Sadly their happiness was not to last.(Ahs from audience) The poor Baroness caught a chill and popped off (Cast say ah) Well you were warned she wouldn't last long (Luisa waves and exits) And Jamie decided it was time he went off to seek his fortune.
NARRATOR - He was last heard of on one of the cruise ships doing very nicely as a cocktail waiter (cast start looking sympathetically towards the Baron and
Cinderella.) So the poor Baron and Cinderella were left on their own. They tried to stay cheerful but it was very difficult. The years passed and Cinderella grew up into a beautiful and charming young women (whilst this is being said Baron and Cinderella are strolling round the stage, when they get near the side curtain Megan and Ellie swap places) and the Baron grew older (Baron drops shoulders) and more lonely (ahs from audience - hopefully) until one day the Baron,by way of Internet dating, met the woman of his dreams. She was just what he was looking for, young, not yet 40, slender and gorgeous. A good cook and very handy around the house. She also had 2 young daughters who were the toast of the town and much sought after. Sounds too good to be true doesn't it? Yes, well stick around. They dated via Facebook for about 3 months and then, rather impulsively the villagers thought, (cast nod) the Baron proposed and was accepted. The wedding was arranged for the following week and everyone was invited (curtains are closing) The day dawned bright and fair ( curtains open, cast complete with wedding hats are in 2 groups either side of the stage in rows as if in church. Baron at front as though at the altar. The Wedding March begins to play and Andrew comes on from the back with a veil over his face and a big bouquet. Laura and Sarah follow him also carrying bouquets. Andrew joins Sue 2 at the front, they both turn to Narrator as if she is the Vicar and she says) Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together (Andrew shouts "I do" hugs Sue and throws back his veil. The villagers look horrified. Sarah and Laura look at each other and do "high-fives".
BARONESS - Ooh, that was the best wedding I've had in ages. Better than William and Kate's. And so everyone I am your new Baroness. Angelina, Madonna, Cheryl, Beyonce Hardup. But you can call me Angel for short. And these two sweet young things (Laura and Sarah stand either side of him fluttering their eyelashes) are my gorgeous daughters Ann and Summer. Now come on everyone lets get this party started and make sure someone takes lots of photos to put on my Twitter page. SONG - Flash, Bang, Wallop (curtains close)
Scene 2 - F.O.T. - Prince Charming and Dandini enter
PRINCE - You know, Cupcake, being a Prince is not easy.
DANDINI - No I'm sure it isn't Your Highness. I say sire do you think you could refrain from calling me Cupcake. People might get the wrong idea.
PRINCE - Oh certainly my dear fellow. Sorry. What would you like me to call you?
DANDINI - Well how about Dandini. It is my name after all.
PRINCE - Dandini. What a splendid idea. Why didn't I think of that?
DANDINI - I really couldn't say sire. It is not for me, a humble servant, to presume to know how a prince thinks.
PRINCE - Yes, you know Dandini being a prince is not easy.
DANDINI - No sire you said.
PRINCE - Oh did I?
DANDINI - At least 6 times in the last hour.
PRINCE - It's all my Mother, the Queen's fault. Now that my cousin William has tied the knot she thinks it's time I got married too.
DANDINI - She could have a point sire. (looks at him closely) You are considerably older than your cousin.
PRINCE - Cheeky. Trouble is I never go anywhere to meet any really nice girls. The nicest girl I'd met in a long time was cousin Zara but she wouldn't go out with me because I wasn't sporty enough. Anyway, it's too late now. She married some bloke who plays rugby.
DANDINI - What a shame sire. I, on the other hand, am a great hit with the ladies. I have to fight them off. Of course I go to all the right places. Still I wouldn't mind meeting the odd Princess now and again.
PRINCE - Do you know Cupcake, oh sorry Dandini, that's given me an idea.
DANDINI - Oh dear. Has it sire?
PRINCE - Yes. How about you and I swapping places. No-one would ever guess. We do look very alike.
DANDINI - (looks at Prince and then at audience) Should have gone to Specsavers. Do you think that would work sire. Don't you think your Mother, the Queen, might suspect something?
PRINCE - Don't be silly. I don't mean for ever. What do you know about being a prince?
DANDINI - Yes I can see that all that foreign travel, playing polo and talking to plants must get very tedious.
PRINCE - No I mean just for a day or two. You can give me a list of all the right places to go and I'll go and try my luck. Simple.
DANDINI - I'm not sure if this is a good idea. You know your mother, the Queen, wants you to marry some high born princess.
PRINCE - Yes I know but in the meantime it would be nice to meet a pretty girl who would love me for who I am and not just because I'm a prince.
DANDINI - (reluctantly) Oh alright then. When do we start?
PRINCE - No time like the present. Here give me your cloak and you take mine. There the transformation is complete. No-one will tell us apart.
DANDINI - (not looking convinced) No sire. I mean Beefcake. (Prince looks affronted) I think I'm going to need some fortifying for this. How about a swift orangeade followed by a Ribena chaser down at the Roebuck.
PRINCE - Good idea but first of all a song I think to get us in the mood. SONG - Standing On The Corner (Exit)
NARRATOR (comes on from Glenys) - Well there's a recipe for disaster if ever I heard one. Meanwhile at Hardup Hall all is not well. The Baroness has sacked all the servants except Buttons and his sidekick Velcro and they are only allowed to stay because they work for nothing, sleep under the kitchen table and eat scraps. The Baroness and her two horrible daughters sit around all day watching Jeremy Kyle and eating chocolate and poor Cinderella has to do all the housework. The Baron is not allowed to leave the house and he is so full of guilt over what has happened to his poor Cinderella. But why don't you see for yourself (curtains open)
Scene 3 - KITCHEN AT HARDUP HALL
(Cinderella sits to the left of the table. Buttons sits to the right polishing the Baroness' shoes .Box of chocolates on the table. Two white mice are sitting on the floor in front of the piano eating out of a tin of biscuits. There is an oversized mousetrap with a huge piece of cheese in it on top of the piano)
VELCRO - (enters carrying a bag of potatoes) Cheer up you two it might never happen.
BUTTONS - It already has.
VELCRO - Yes I suppose it has (looks over to the mice) .Why are these mice eating biscuits. You'll never get rid of them at this rate. They're supposed to try and eat the cheese out of the traps.
BUTTONS - Oh leave them alone. They don't cause any trouble. They're a bit of company for Cinders and me. We never see a soul stuck in this kitchen all day.
VELCRO - Well as long as those three don't see them. Oh that reminds me Cinders. Do you think you could put the chip pan on. They want nuggets and chips for their lunch.
CINDERS - (stands up and walks centre stage with clenched fists) Nuggets and chips! Nuggets and chips! I'll give them nuggets and chips. I'd like to turn them into nuggets and chips.
BUTTONS - (rushes to her side and puts his arm around her) Ssh Cinders. Don't upset yourself. They're not worth it.
CINDERS - (starts to cry) Oh Buttons. You are a dear and faithful friend (Velcro comes to her other side and taps her on the shoulder) Oh and you too Velcro. I don't know what I would do without you both. How did we all end up like this? We were so happy a few years ago. That wretched woman tricked my poor, sweet father into marrying her and now he's frightened to death of her. She never lets him have any money. She spends it all on herself and her two spiteful, horrible daughters. Oh, what are we going to do?
BUTTONS - Try not to worry Cinders. I'm going to save up all my money so you and your father can join your brother Jamie on his cruise ship.
VELCRO - There's just one fatal flaw in that plan.
BUTTONS - What is it?
VELCRO - You haven't got any money. You don't get any wages.
BUTTONS - No. I've been meaning to ask the Baron about that. Isn't there such a thing as a minimum wage?
VELCRO - Not in this pantomime there isn't.
CINDERS - Ssh. Be quiet you two. I think I can hear Ann and Summer coming. You two mice better get back in your mousehole quickly (mice stand up and start "fussing") Take the biscuits with you (mice get tin and exit to Glenys)
ANN (off) - Come on Summer. Lets get something to eat.
SUMMER (off) Good idea Ann I'm starving.
ANN (both enter) I don't see how you can be. You've just eaten four bags of Cheesy Whatsits and a cream doughnut.
SUMMER (gives her a dirty look) A girl's got to eat. I'd not had a thing since those bacon butties we had for breakfast.
ANN (turning to Cinderella) - Is there anything to eat in the larder? My sister and I are famished.
CINDERS - Well Velcro and I were just about to prepare nuggets and chips for your lunch.
SUMMER - Lunch! You can't expect us to wait that long. Go and get us a snack to be going on with.
BARON (off) Cinders. Cinderella. (enters) Cinder..... Oh (Ann and Summer are looking at him and laughing) I didn't know you two er.. girls were here.
ANN - Clearly. What do you want?
BARON - I came to see if Cinderella was here.
SUMMER - Of course she's here. Where would you expect her to be at this time besides in the kitchen preparing a meal for us and Mama.
ANN - It's been a whole hour since I last ate. I'll be fading away.
SUMMER - You need to give Mama more money. We're down to our last chocolate bar.
BARON - But I haven't got any more money. You've had it all.
ANN - Well you'll have to sell something (points to Cinderella) Her for example.
SUMMER (knocks her arm down) Now, now we don't want to sell our dear sister Cinders do we? We'd have no-one to do the housework or wash our clothes or. . . .get our dinners.
ANN - Er, oh no, of course not (tickles Baron under the chin) Just kidding. How about getting rid of some of that dusty old furniture upstairs. Someone will pay good money for it. I'll get on to the broker's men as soon as I've had my afternoon nap.
BARON - But you can't do that. This furniture is all family heirlooms. It's been in our family for generations.
SUMMER - Well in that case it's time we had something new. Now go back to your room. You've been wandering about long enough. Velcro will bring you some bread and water for your lunch when he's finished serving us (Baron exits looking very dejected)
ANN - Right Velcro get in the scullery and get the fire going for our lunch (Velcro exits)
SUMMER - Buttons you'd better get in the garden and bring in the washing. It all needs to be ironed by this afternoon in case we need to change our frocks. We might have some gentlemen callers (Buttons exits)
ANN - Cinderella. You go into the woods and collect some wood for the fire in case Velcro runs out. We don't want any more hold-ups. I'm faint with hunger. (Cinderella exits)
SUMMER - (the sisters are both now centre stage) Do you think we will have any gentlemen callers this afternoon Ann? We haven't had any up to now?
ANN - No I know Summer. It's all very disappointing. I thought when Mama married a Baron we'd cracked it. I thought it would be one long round of parties and balls.
SUMMER - Me too. How were we to know that the Baron and his stupid daughter lived like recluses. They only ever talked to the peasants who lived in the village.
ANN - Mm. Cinderella's brother sounds like a bit of a dish though.
SUMMER - Fat lot of good that is to us when he's sailing round the world on a cruise ship.
ANN - What we need is for something exciting to happen. To be invited to a big party or another royal wedding. Somewhere where we could bag ourselves a husband.
SUMMER - Yes you're right. Let's go and talk to Mama while our lunch is being prepared. Bring that box of chocolates. I always think better when I'm munching on something (both exit)
FIONA (enters cautiously, walks centre stage looking around all the time) Felicity, FELICITY (Felicity enters) Oh there you are. You really must learn to keep up.
FELICITY (wearing L plates) Sorry Fiona (drops wand, picks it up) Sorry. Have I missed anything?
FIONA No but that's not the point. You might miss something if you don't keep up with me and then you'll never learn to be a proper fairy-godmother and keep your voice down. We don't want anyone to hear. We're not supposed to be here.
FELICITY - No Fiona. Sorry. I do so want to be a really good fairy-godmother (drops wand again and picks it up) Oh dear. Right (smooths down frock). Where were we?
FIONA - Oh dear. I fear that you are going to be an apprentice fairy-godmother for quite some time. Right now let's get started. We are here because our Fairy-godmother-in-chief tells us that Cinderella needs our help. Her father made a big mistake a while ago by marrying an unscrupulous woman who sent him pictures of her namesake Angelina Jolie pretending it was her. The Baron who was at a very vunerable time in his life immediately fell in love with her and married her straight away.
FELICITY - Oh dear. Oh dear. Was she perhaps Fiona, not as pretty as she had implied?
FIONA - PRETTY. PRETTY. Ssh. I should say not. Her figure is like an explosion in a mattress factory and her face like a bag of spanners.
FELICITY - Oh dear. Poor Baron and Cinderella but what can we do to help?
FIONA - Well Fairy-godmother-in-chief thinks it's time we intervened. The Baron and Cinderella have no money and rarely leave Hardup Hall. Buttons and Velcro love them both dearly but are powerless to help so now it's up to us Fairy-godmothers. (to audience) Course I'd probably do it better on my own but (looks at Felicity) well we've all got to learn.
FELICITY Oh Fiona (clapping hands) This is all too thrilling. What are we going to do?
FIONA (gives her a sidelong look) Well apparently there is a Prince not far from here who Fairy-godmother-in-chief thinks will fit the bill very nicely. He's more brawn than brain but still his heart is in the right place and he's got a shed-load of money.
FELICITY (jumping up and down with excitement) Oo and are we going to get him and Cinderella together so that they can be married and live happily ever after in unashamed luxury?
FIONA - Calm down dear. You'll get over heated. Well it won't be quite that easy. Our powers are not limitless you know but that is the general idea. At the moment Princey-baby is wandering around in the woods pretending to be own valet in the hopes that he will meet some girl who will love him for himself.
FELICITY (jumps up and down) Oh I see. This is where Cinderella comes in.
FIONA - Felicity what have I told you? Calm down. Cinderella is herself in the woods collecting kindling and we are to go and see if, by the power of thought, we can get them together.
FELICITY - Out there in the woods. Alone. Oh how romantic.
FIONA - Well I don't know about that. Those woods are pretty spooky at this time of year and the last time I looked it was chucking it down with rain. In any case this is only their first meeting. You can hardly expect them to fall in love there and then. No the Fairy-godmother-in-chief has got something else up her sleeve. I don't know what it is yet. We'll have to wait and see.
FELICITY - Oh I can hardly contain myself. It's so exciting.
FIONA - Felicity you really need to get out more. You're far too excitable. Anyway we'd better go and see what we can do to give love a helping hand and before someone finds us here (start to exit - curtains close)
Scene 4 - F.O.T.
(Prince starts to enter from steps. Cinderella comes on from Glenys carrying twigs. They bump into each other - Fairy-godmothers enter onto side of the stage)
PRINCE - Oh I say, I'm awfully sorry. Please excuse me.
CINDERS (fluttering her eyelashes. Puts her hand on her heart) - Oh sir please don't apologise. I'm sure it was all my fault.
PRINCE - Please you do not have to call me sir. You can see by my attire that I am just a humble servant.
CINDERS - I don't think I have seen you in these parts before. (all the time this is going on the F-Gs are gesturing at the side).
PRINCE - Er no. I was taking a stroll and I think I have walked further than I intended.
CINDERS - I do hope that perhaps I will bump into you again one day when I am collecting kindling. Oh sir, I don't know why I said that. You must think me very bold.
PRINCE - I think. . . .. I think you are a very attractive young lady.
CINDERS - Oh sir. You have a very flattering tongue.
PRINCE - Let me help you collect some more wood. I do not want this moment to end. My heart is singing with joy. SONG - I Could Be Happy With You.
(F-Gs give the audience a thumbs up sign and exit).
BARONESS (off) - Girl have you got enough wood yet? Where is the dratted girl?
CINDERS - Oh that's my step-mother. I must leave straight away (stands looking around)
PRINCE - Oh must you go? Just as we were getting to know each other. Will I see you again?
CINDERS - Oh I do hope so (blows kiss) Goodbye (exits)
PRINCE - Gosh. I think I have found my one true love. But I don't even know her name or where she lives. Oh dear I don't know what Dandini is going to say. I'd better go and find him and see if he's got any ideas (exits )
NARRATOR - Can you believe that. The Prince forgot to ask Cinderella her name. After all the fuss he's made about finding his one true love. Why is it that Princes in pantomime are always so gormless. Let' hope the F.Gs can sort it out. Meanwhile back at Hardup Hall things are about to take a turn for the worse (curtains open)
Scene 5 - KITCHEN AT HARDUP HALL
(Cinderella is stood to the left of the table peeling a pile of potatoes, carrots and onions into a big stew pot. Buttons is sat to the right polishing the silver. The mice are sat in front of the piano eating crisps out of a big bowl).
VELCRO (enters from Glenys holding a fluffy rabbit) - Here you are Cinders. I've caught a rabbit to put into your stew. I haven't tasted meat for weeks (interacts with audience - oohs and ahs) It's alright for you lot but we're starving up here. I bet the front row can hear our tummies rumbling.
BUTTONS (standing up) Oh thanks Velcro. That will go down a treat. I'll just find some Oxo cubes to go with it. I'm sure I saw some around here somewhere (Hand holding Oxo box comes out of side curtain. Buttons grabs it) Here they are. (goes over to Cinderella) Here you are Cinders now you've got everything you need. Oh I can't wait till lunchtime. (Velcro in the meantime is sitting with the mice sharing their crisps).
CINDERS - Thankyou, both of you. It will be nice to have something tasty to eat for a change.(commotion at the side of the stage. Billy and Willy enter)
BILLY - Right now this is the last room on our list although there doesn't seem to be anything of much value down here.
WILLY - No this must be where they keep all the old junk.
CINDERS (indignantly) Excuse me! Who are you?
BUTTONS - Yeh what's your game? (Velcro stands up and joins Buttons - mice stop eating and start "fussing")
BILLY (tugging his forelock) Pardon me young sir. Let me introduce ourselves. I am Billy No-Mates and this is my partner Willy Eckerslyke. There's no need to get on your high horse. We're the brokers men. We've been asked by the lady of the house to come and buy all the furniture.
CINDERS (coming round from the back of the table) But you can't do that. It isn't hers to sell. This furniture has been in our family for generations. My father won't allow it. Have you spoken to him about it?
BILLY - Well we did see an old gentleman in the attic staring into space clutching a bottle of Sanatogen and a packet of Werthers Originals but we were told he was just the Baroness' mad old husband and we had to ignore him.
CINDERS (bursting into tears) - Oh how could you? That was my poor, dear father.
VELCRO (clenching his fists and looking mutinous) - How could you be so cruel? Can't you see how upset Cinderella is?
WILLY- Nothing to do with us. We're just doing our jobs.
VELCRO - I don't know how you live with yourself.
WILLY - I don't live with myself. I live with him (points to Billy) and his Mum.
BUTTONS - Are you going to take all the furniture?
BILLY - All the good stuff. We'll let you keep the old tat. (looks around) We don't want anything out of here.
CINDERS - How much are you going to pay for it?
WILLY - Thirty seven pounds, twopence three farthings.
CINDERS - Thirty seven pounds, twopence three farthings? That's daylight robbery. It's worth far more than that. Some of it is priceless antiques.
BILLY - You know that. We know that but… them three upstairs don't know that and (as Cinders is about to speak). . . ..they wouldn't believe you if you told them.
BUTTONS - When are you taking it?
WILLY - We'll be back first thing in the morning with a white van and a postal order. The young ladies are very keen to get to Ikea as soon as possible. They'll be able to buy all they need with what we pay them and still have money left over for chocolate. They're probably booking a pony and trap with Abacus right now.
BILLY (to Willy) Perhaps we should go and see if we can find the young ladies without their Mama. I think one of them fancied me. She kept winking at me.
WILLY - Rubbish, she'd probably got something in her eye. You don't think two well brought up demure, young ladies like them are going to fancy the likes of us. More's the pity.
BUTTON (to Velcro ) - These two are thicker than they look. (to Billy) Why don't you go and try your luck. They might fancy a turn around the garden.
BILLY - Oh very clever. I see what you're trying to do. You think if we get friendly with them they might persuade us to give them more money. No chance. Come on Willy, let's go.
WILLY - Yes let's get out while the goings good. We'll go back and see your Mum. I fancy a cheese sandwich and a glass of Vimto.
BILLY AND WILLY (tugging their forelocks) Good day to you all.
WILLY - It's been a pleasure doing business with you. (both exit)
CINDERS (sobbing Buttons and Velcro rush to comfort her) My step-mother is a wicked woman. Oh my poor father. What is to become of us?
BUTTONS - Try not to upset yourself too much Cinders. Something has got to turn up that will make things better.
VELCRO - We could see if we could find out where Jamie is.
CINDERS - Oh do you think we could. I'm sure he'd know what to do (Buttons and Velcro stand and shrug looking less than sure)
BARONESS (off) - Cinderella (enters) There you are. (the mice run off but leave the crisps behind) The girls and I want our lunch. (spies the rabbit on the table) Oh I see you are preparing a rabbit stew. That will do nicely. Well don't just stand there get on with it. There's a film on the telly we want to watch this afternoon. You don't want us to miss it do you? (sees the crisps) Oh who left them there? They'll do for a snack while the rabbit's cooking (grab the crisps and exits)
VELCRO - Oo that woman. Now she's nicked my rabbit.
BUTTONS - Never mind. You go and see if you can catch another rabbit (Velcro exits) Come on Cinders we've got a lot to do (starts bustling around - curtains close)
Scene 6 - F.O.T.
(Prince and Dandini enter)
DANDINI - So let me get this straight Beefcake. You have just met the girl of your dreams and you let her run off without finding out the first thing about her.
PRINCE - Yes alright there's no need to go on. We all make mistakes. And don't call me Beefcake. Cupcake. It's very irritating. Anyway I don't want to be a valet anymore. Here give me my cloak (swaps cloaks) Oh Cupcake (Dandini shakes his finger at him) Sorry Dandini. What am I going to do?
DANDINI - Well sire I have given the matter considerable thought.
PRINCE - Oh good
DANDINI - Well someone had to sire, let's face it. I thought that you flapping about like a headless chicken was somewhat detrimental to the ongoing situation.
PRINCE - What? Oh don't come over all pompous on me. You know how I hate it when you try to be cleverer than me.
DANDINI - I do beg your pardon sire but I wasn't trying (Prince looks affronted and is about to speak) AnywayI've had an idea. What you need is a ball.
PRINCE - Pardon?
DANDINI - A ball sire. You need to hold a ball.
PRINCE - (as the penny drops) Oh a ball.
DANDINI - That's what I said.
PRINCE - Yes right. Get on with it.
DANDINI - Get your Mother, the Queen, to hold a grand ball and invite all the young ladies in the area.
PRINCE - Oh I don't know if I could get her to agree to that.
DANDINI - I have not always seen eye to eye with your Mother, the Queen, in the past but one thing I will say is that she's a game old bird. She'll do anything for a knees up and a glass of egg nog.
PRINCE - Yes. By Jove Cupcake you're right.
DANDINI - I usually am sire.
PRINCE (ignoring him) - So we hold a ball and invite all the girls from miles around and this gorgeous girl that I have fallen madly in love with will attend the ball and we will meet again. Sorted.
DANDINI - Yes sire. I just hope she lives up to expectation when you see her in the cold light of day, so to speak.
PRINCE - What do you mean?
DANDINI - Well it must have been fairly dark in those woods and she won't be the first girl you've fallen madly in love with sire.
PRINCE - I don't know what you mean. I may have had a couple of false starts with some of those Princess' my m Mother, the Queen, insisted on dragging home to meet me but my mind is made up. I intend to marry this one Cupcake.
DANDINI - Yes of course sire. Well with your permission I think we should make haste to tell your Mother, the Queen, of your intentions to throw open the doors of her palace to the most spectacular event of the century.
PRINCE - What? Oh quite. Just what I was thinking. Come along and follow me (both exit to steps. F-Gs both look out through middle of curtains. Come out on stage)
FELICITY - (jumping up and down) Oh Fiona, I do hope everything is going to plan.
FIONA - Well it would certainly seems to be. I had a word with the F.G.-in-Chief and she seems to think that as long as an invitation to the ball drops through the letter box at Hardup Hall nothing can go wrong.
FELICITY - Oh how wonderful. And then they can be married and have lots of children and then we could be their F.G.s and help them find their one true love.
FIONA - Felicity, please control yourself. You're looking ahead a bit aren't you? Perhaps for the moment you'd better concentrate on finding a new hat in case there's a wedding. I think Primark are having a sale.
FELICITY - Yes but before we go couldn't we sing a little song. You know how I like singing and I'm so excited.
FIONA - Sing a song? (looks at audience) Don't you think this lot have suffered enough.
FELICITY - Oh please Fiona.
FIONA - Oh alright. What do you suggest we sing? Nobody Loves a Fairy When She's Forty?
FELICITY - Cheeky. I'm nowhere near forty.
FIONA - (looks at her closely) Well in that case neither am I. Alright you choose.
FELICITY - How about (SONG - After song Fiona pushes Felicity off stage)
Scene 7 - KITCHEN AT HARDUP HALL
(Cinderella is standing behind the table setting a tray. Velcro is brushing the floor. Buttons sitting to the right of the table reading a newspaper. Mice sat in front of the piano eating out of the box of biscuits)
ANN - (off) Come on Summer. Get out of bed. I'm going to get some cereal. (enters in night attire. Buttons puts down paper and stands up. Mice exit)
SUMMER - (off yawning) Oh alright Ann, I'm coming. Don't eat everything before I get there.
ANN - (walks straight over to Glenys) Now then where are the cornflakes. I'm sure I saw some the other day. (hand comes through curtain holding a packet of cornflakes) Oh there they are. Or should I have Cheerios? (cornflakes go back, Cheerio box comes out)
SUMMER - (enters) Hey Ann save a box for me. What are you having?
ANN - I can't decide. Cornflakes or Cheerios. What do you think? (hand doing routine)
SUMMER - Oh I don't know. I fancy Co-co Pops or Frosties or Sugar Puffs (voice from behind curtain says: Make your mind up. I've only got one pair of hands.)
ANN - No, I'm definitely having (hands comes from behind the curtain holding cornflakes and hits her with it. She looks at it) Cornflakes. (takes box)
SUMMER - (turns to Cinderella) And what are we having afterwards? You can't expect one small box of cornflakes to sustain us.
CINDERS - Er I'm just about to put these sausages in the pan (brings out a string of sausages) And Buttons was just going out to see if there are any eggs in the henhouse.
ANN - I hope there's room for some bacon in that frying pan.
SUMMER - Yes and some black pudding. I love black pudding.
ANN - And a bit of fried bread. Not too much. A girl's got to watch her figure you know. Three rounds should be enough.
SUMMER - Yes and the same for me. Velcro go and get the milk. (Velcro exits)
BARONESS - (off) Girls, GIRLS where are you? I've got something thrilling to tell you.
ANN - Oh how exciting. We're here Mama, in the kitchen.
SUMMER - Yes we're just getting ourselves a morsal to eat.
BARONESS - (enters holding a large card) Oohh girls you'll never guess what's happened. Oh it's so exciting. Guess what this is. (flaps card)
ANN - I thought you said we'd never guess.
SUMMER - Why don't you just tell us Mama.
BARONESS - (very excited) Oh I can hardly believe it. I came down the stairs and there it was on the mat. I mean who'd have thought it?
ANN - What is it?
BARONESS - I mean there was no warning. It was just. . . ..sat there. I mean it's the most thrilling thing that's ever happened and it was just sat there.
SUMMER - Mama you're beginning to annoy me. I'll never get my breakfast at this rate. Just tell us what it is
BARONESS - Can't you guess?
ANN and SUMMER - NO
BARONESS - It's an invitation.
ANN - An invitation?
SUMMER - To what?
BARONESS - A BALL. (Ann and Summer start to look interested) It's an invitation to a ball. The Queen is holding a grand ball in honour of her only son. Her handsome, clever, rich, unattached only son, Prince Charming. Daft name but who cares about that and we have been invited.
ANN - (snatching card) Here let me see (reads invitation moving lips) Wow I can't believe it.
SUMMER - (snatching card off Ann) Let me have a look. (reads it) Yes it definitely says we've been invited. What can't speak can't lie. (reads it again) Hang on a minute Mama. It says here all the young ladies in your household. It doesn't mean you. You're not young.
BARONESS - Of course it means me. Of course I'm young. I'm barely 35 (Ann and Summer start to cough and choke) Well alright maybe 36. But they will want me as your chaperone. No-one would expect two delicate and unworldly young ladies like you to attend a ball on your own
ANN - (looks at Summer) Yes I suppose she's got a point. You never know someone might try to take advantage of us.
SUMMER - With a bit of luck. Yes I suppose if you have a bit of Botox and wear a veil you might get away with it.
BARONESS - Oh girls you know what this means. One of you will marry the Prince. I bet that's what this ball is all about. To find the Prince a wife. Well it's bound to be one of you two. There couldn't possibly be any girls more beautiful than you attending this ball.
ANN - Well in that case it should be me. I'm the oldest.
SUMMER - Yes no-one would argue with that. No the Prince will want someone young and innocent like me.
ANN - No it's got to be me. Tell her Mama.
SUMMER - That's not fair. I want him.
BARONESS - Girls, girls stop arguing. Perhaps we will have to let the Prince decide for himself. Now come on let's go and make a list of all the new clothes we shall need. It's a good job we've sold all that tatty old furniture. We need all the money we can get. Come along. There's no time to waste (they exit. Buttons, Velcro and mice enter)
CINDERS - (coming centre stage) Buttons, Velcro I've just heard the most exciting news. The Queen is having a ball for Prince Charming and I have been invited. The Baroness just came in with the invitation and it said all the young ladies in the household are to attend.
BUTTONS - Are you sure that includes you?
CINDERS - Of course, I'm young and a lady and I live here so I must be invited.
VELCRO - Did the Baroness say you would be going?
CINDERS - Well not in as many words but oh, of course she'll let me go. Even she couldn't be that mean (Buttons and Velcro exchange looks) And there's something else. I didn't tell you before in case you thought I was being silly but the other day when I was collecting kindling in the woods I met a boy (Buttons and Velcro exchange more looks) A charming, handsome young man who seemed quite keen on me. He'll probably be at the ball. (clasps hands together) Oh I do hope so. We will be able to get to know each other and who knows what will happen. Oh I must go and tell everybody in the village the exciting news (exits, dancing)
(Buttons and Velcro stand centre stage shaking their heads)
BUTTONS - Well you know what this means.
VELCRO - No what?
BUTTONS - We'll have to get their breakfasts! (curtains close)
NARRATOR - Well what do you think? If I were a betting woman I would say that the Baroness has no intention of letting Cinderella go to the ball. But maybe that's just me fearing the worst. We'll let her have her moment of happiness with her friends in the village. There's plenty of time for her to find out the truth after we've all had a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.(curtains open)
Scene 8 - VILLAGE GREEN
(Chorus standing around chatting as Cinderella runs on)
Listen everyone wait 'till you hear my news. I'm so excited I could burst. I'm going to a ball up at the Palace. What do you think of that? I just had to come and share the news with all my wonderful friends. There's a boy I met the other day and I am sure he will be there. Oh I'm so happy I feel like singing at the top of my voice SONG - HAPPY FEET. (curtains close)
I N T E R V A L
(Curtains open onto same scene as before interval. Repeat same song, possibly with dancers - curtains close)
NARRATOR - Well today's the day of the ball and poor Cinderella is going to learn that those two slimy step-sisters of hers are not going to let her go. Things just seem to go from bad to worse. But wait don't take my word for it, see for yourselves
ACT 2 - Scene 1 - KITCHEN AT HARDUP HALL
(Cinders is sat at the table day-dreaming. Ann and Summer enter holding ball gowns)
ANN - Oh there you are. Sitting doing nothing as usual. Get out your needle and threads. These frocks have just been delivered and they need some slight alterations.
SUMMER - Yes. Mine just needs a couple of darts letting out but hers will have to have a whole new panel put in it.
ANN - Don't be so cheeky. How was I to know they are very small sizes. A size 8 usually fits me fine.
SUMMER - (laughs and mimics Ann) A size 8 usually fits me fine. Yeh right. As long as it's got a one in front of it (Ann looks furious)
BARONESS - (off) Girls, girls. (enters) Oh there you are. Oh good your gowns have arrived. Hold them up and let Mama see. (girls do so) Oh how positively lovely (wipes away a tear) I think the Prince will fall madly in love with both of you.
ANN - Oh Mama he can't do that. He can only marry one of us. And of course we all know it will be me. (Summer is about to speak)
BARONESS - Now, now girls. You never know there may be more Princes at the ball. I hear his cousin Harry is still unattached. (points to Summer) You can have him.
CINDERS (coming centre stage) When am I going to get my new dress?
BARONESS - (looks at her in disbelief) Your new dress? Your new dress? What do you need a new dress for?
CINDERS - For when I go to the ball.
ANN - (laughing) What makes you think you're going to the ball?
SUMMER - You can't go. The invitation said young ladies. You're not a young lady. You're a servant girl.
CINDERS - I'm not. Or at least I wasn't until you came to live here. I'm the daughter of a Baron.
BARONESS - Now, now everyone calm down. Now don't be foolish Cinderella. There is no question of you going to the ball. Someone will have to stay here and cook our supper. The girls and I will be famished when we get home after all that dancing. You know what these posh buffets are like. A puffed-up vol-au-vent and a couple of cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off and that's your lot. No Cinderella we'll hear no more about it. You will have to stay here. (looks at Ann and Summer) Girls leave your frocks here for Cinderella to alter. We will go and look for some decent jewellery to wear. I'm sure there isn't enough for us all. I might have to call in the brokers' men again and sell some of that dirty old silver that's cluttering up the place. We don't want to go under-dressed do we? (Cinders bursts into tear and runs of to Glenys)
ANN What's up with her?
SUMMER - That girl's far too sensitive for her own good if you ask me.
BARONESS - (starts to exit) Come along girls there's no time to delay (all exit)
BARON - (entering) Cinderella, Cinderella. Oh she's not here. That's funny where is everyone? (Buttons and Velcro enter from Glenys) Hello you two where's Cinders do you know?
BUTTONS - (looking uncomfortable) I think I saw her run into the garden. She seemed er.. a little upset.
BARON - I'm not surprised living here with those three witches (goes over to the table where the dresses are) Are these their ball gowns. I know they must have just been delivered. I just saw a van going down the drive with
"FABULOUS FROCKS BY FIFI OF FLIXTONIA" written on the side.
VELCRO - I think that's why Cinders was a bit upset. We heard the Baroness saying earlier that she is not allowed to go to the ball.
BARON - Yes well, it's too late to do anything about that now but (he pulls himself up straight, throws back his shoulders and looks determined) I can promise you this, when this ball is over the Baroness and her disgusting daughters will be asked to leave this house (all three are moving to the front of the stage- curtains closing) and if they refuse , which I'm sure they will I will personally throw them out. Enough is enough.
Scene 2 - F.O.T.
VELCRO - Attaboy Baron.
BUTTONS - Good for you sir. Er what's brought this on?
BARON - I've had a lot of time to think whilst I have been shut up in that attic drinking tonic wine and eating caramels and I suddenly realised how unhappy my poor dear Cinders had become. So I thought Hardup it's up to you to do something instead of sitting here moping. So I came to tell Cinders what I was going to do but she's not here.
BUTTONS - That's the spirit Baron. I'm sure when you do tell her she will be delighted (puts his hand on the Baron's arm) It's nice to have the old Baron back if I may say so.
VELCRO - Yes sir, we've missed you.
BARON - Yes first thing in the morning we shall make a fresh start. I may need you both to help.
BUTTONS - Don't worry Baron you can rely on us.
BARON - Yes I know. You two are true and faithful servants. No, you're much more than that. Good friends are what you are and when I am able your friendship will be justly rewarded SONG - FRIENDSHIP.(Halfway through Billy and Willy wander on)
BARON - (looking them up and down) Who are you and what do you want?
BILLY - We're the brokers' men. Let me introduce ourselves. I am Billy No-mates and this is my colleague Willy Eckerslyke. The Baroness sent for us because she wants to sell the family silver so she can buy more jewellery.
WILLY - That's right sire. We've every right to be here. We're just doing our job.
BARON - Indeed. Well let me tell you this. This is my house and my silver and as from tomorrow the Baroness and her daughters will no longer be living here so. . . .put that in your pipe and smoke it!
BILLY - Yes well put like that sir I can see you've got a point.
WILLY - Don't blame us sir. We were acting in good faith.
VELCRO - I think you should give the Baron his furniture back. You paid him next to nothing for it.
BILLY - (looking horrified) Well I don't know about that. I mean……
BARON - Remember as from tomorrow the Baroness will be history. Who knows perhaps you could come and work for me. I might even find you a couple of rooms to live in here at Hardup Hall.
BILLY - (looking thoughtful) Well that seems very fair sir, very fair indeed.What do you think Willy?
WILLY - I think that sounds like a good idea Billy. You're always saying you'd like your own place to bring your mates back to. That's if you had any mates and much as I like your Mum she is a bit of a fusspot. No dunking biscuits in your tea and always having to wash your neck. And I don't think it's right that
we always have to be in bed by 9 o'clock even at weekends. I'm a grown man!
BILLY - Yes. I think you've got yourself a deal. Put it there sir (both shake hands) I can see we are going to be great friends - (finish SONG - all exit)
Scene 3 - KITCHEN AT HARDUP HALL
(Cinders and Buttons are sat either side of the table with their chins in their hands. Velcro is sat with the mice - all three are staring into space)
ANN - (off) Cinderella, Cinderella (enters with Summer in big ball gowns) Oh sister dear.
SUMMER - What do you think of these? How gorgeous are we?
CINDERS - Yes you both look very nice.
ANN - Nice, nice. Do you hear that Summer. Cinderella thinks we look nice.
SUMMER - Cheek, I'll have you know that these frocks cost Mama a fortune and you have the nerve to say that we look nice.
CINDERS - I think you'll find that your gowns have been bought with money that your Mother got from selling my Father's furniture.
ANN - Now, now children. Don't waste your time with her Summer. I'm sure the Prince will think we look absolutely ravishing, which of course we do and that is all that matters.
SUMMER - Yes it's got to be said Ann, we've come a long way from that hovel behind Stretford tip where we used to live. The neighbours wouldn't know us that's for sure. SONG - IF THEY COULD SEE ME NOW.
BARONESS - (off) Ann, Summer come along now girls.(Pops her head round the curtain) The stretched limo is here. (Ann and Summer dash around excitedly with a fit of the giggles.
ANN - Coming Mama.
SUMMER - We mustn't keep the Prince waiting. (both exit)
BUTTONS - Well that's that then.
VELCRO - I hope their rotten old stretched limo drives into the palace lake and they all drown!
CINDERS - (laughing) Velcro that's a terrible thing to say. (stands up) Well I suppose I'd better get on. The girls (sarcastically) would like a slither of smoked salmon for their supper, so they tell me, followed by steak pie, chips and gravy followed by death by chocolate. Just a little light supper so they won't die of starvation in the night.
VELCRO - They wouldn't die of starvation if they slept for a month.
BUTTONS - (standing up) Don't begrudge it them Cinders. Who knows what tomorrow may bring (Cinders looks at him oddly. F.G.s tiptoe onto side of stage)
FIONA - H-hum. Excuse me.
VELCRO - Who the heck are you?
FIONA - I, that is to say, we (pulls Felicity to her side)we are Cinderella's Fairy- Godmothers.
BUTTONS - Fairy-Godmothers. Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs. (turns to Cinders) How did you acquire two Fairy-Godmothers?
CINDERS - I've absolutely no idea.
VELCRO - Did you send off for them from your catalogue? Win them in a raffle? Find them at the bottom of the garden?(Cinders shrugs)
FIONA - No, no it was none of those things. Our Fairy-Godmother-in-Chief, who knows everything, sends us out on missions when she sees someone who is very unhappy and in need of help.
FELICITY - Yes she could see Cinderella was very sad so she sent us to help her.
BUTTONS - But what are you going to do?
FIONA - Well our powers do have certain restrictions but we have arranged for you to go to the ball (looks pleased with herself)
CINDERS - THE BALL. I'm going to the ball. How wonderful. (clasps hands and starts dancing around the stage) Oh how I've longed to go and now (stops still) but wait how can I go to the ball? I've nothing to wear. I've no way of getting there. I've got to cook supper. Oh, it's impossible.
FIONA - Well Fairy-Godmother-in-Chief didn't go into the finer details. She likes us to use our own initiative. We may have to improvise somewhat. Don't worry about what to wear. That's sorted . I jumped into Fifi's van when she was delivering your step-sister dresses this morning and borrowed one of her more tasteful creations.
VELCRO - Borrowed?
FIONA - Borrowed. As for the supper Felicity will cook it (Felicity looks startled) she's a wonderful little cook. She's got all Jamie Oliver's recipe books and she's never missed an episode of Ready, Steady, Cook.
FELICITY - Yes that's true. Of course I'll do it. Only too glad to help.
BUTTONS - What about transport? The only thing we've got is a rusty old bike with a puncture and no saddle. She'll never get there on that.
FIONA - Now that is going to need some thought (thinking) I wonder. . . . I saw it done once. . . .. although it was a long time ago. . . . It could work. . . .. Yes we'll give it a go.
FELICITY - Oh Fiona have you had an idea (turns to Cinders) I knew she'd think of something. She's wonderful.
FIONA - Yes thank you Felicity, it's going to have to work now otherwise I'm going to look a proper Charlie. I think we've got everything I need. You two mice (mice look startled and start looking around) Yes you two. Come here and bring that pumpkin with you. (mice jump up and collect pumpkin that has been sat on top of the piano throughout the show) Now then you two want to help Cinderella don't you? (mice nod) Right well, just for tonight I'm going to turn this pumpkin into a golden coach and you two into gleaming white horses (mice look horrified and start "fussing") Now, now I'm sure everything will be fine. And tomorrow. . . ..hopefully. . . .. I'll turn you back into mice again. . . .hopefully. I'm sure everything will be fine. Right, chop, chop go out into the yard and take the pumpkin with you.
Come along now. Remember who dares wins. (mice exit and Fiona raises her wand and starts waving and muttering. Oh, I'm definitely feeling something. Oh I think it's working (sways and mutters) Yes, yes it is. Oh there we are. All done (walks centre stage) It's such a pity you lot can't see it from where you're sat. It all looks fantastic. I didn't know I was this good. Tell them how good it is Felicity. Go on. Don't hold back.
FELICITY - Oh it is, it's wonderful, wonderful. Oh Fiona you've surpassed yourself. Fairy-Godmother-in-Chief will be so proud. You'll probably win the prize for Fairy of the month.
FIONA - (looks chuffed) Oo do you think so. I've never won that before. Oo I'm excited now. Anyway. (composes herself) Right Cinderella. Everything's ready. All you've got to do is go to your room and change your frock. Here are your shoes (get them from side of stage) We wanted to get you some glass slippers but we couldn't find a pair anywhere but I'm sure these will look just as nice.
CINDERS - Oh how wonderful. How will I ever thank you?
FIONA - You don't have to. It's all part of the service but there are a few rules and regulations that you must obey. Tell her Felicity, I'll have to go and have a sit down. I'm exhausted! (Buttons guides her to a chair)
FELICITY - When you arrive at the ball you will be introduced as Princess Crystal so no-one will know your true identity. You must speak to no-one. Not one word. However much you want to. And you must be in your coach and on your way home by the time the clock strikes midnight. If you delay the coach will turn back into a pumpkin and the horses back into mice.
FIONA - We hope.
FELICITY - And your clothes will once again be rags. Do you think you can remember all that Cinderella? I do hope so. It's very important.
CINDERS - Oh yes, yes. Please when can I leave?
FELICITY - As soon as you are ready. Your carriage awaits.
CINDERS - Oh thank you, thank you.
BUTTONS - Have a great time Cinders. We'll be thinking of you.
VELCRO - Go for it Cinders. Knock 'em dead. (Cinders exits)
FELICITY - Well someone better show me where my apron is. Velcro do you think you could make Fiona a nice cup of tea? She looks worn out. Oh lucky Cinderella. I do hope she has a lovely time and (looks at Fiona) meets the man of her dreams (curtains close)
NARRATOR - Well, how about that. Everything seems to be going according to plan. A bit of a worry really but still. Hopefully Cinderella will meet her Prince Charming and they will get together even though she's not allowed to speak to anyone. Well he can always wait until tomorrow to chat her up. There's plenty of time. I suppose you'd all like to see what happens at the ball wouldn't you. Yes I thought so. Me too. It's getting excited now isn't it (curtains open)
Scene 4 - BALLROOM (Ellie is at one side of the stage holding a poster saying;
THE DIVINE DOREEN
DIVA OF DAVYHULME
SHE WILL DELIGHT YOU
SINGING ALL YOUR
Amber is on the other side with a poster saying;
AND HER FOLLIES
DANCERS COME ON STAGE AND DANCE - Prince, Dandini, chorus and anyone who can comes on stage at end)
PRINCE - Well this is splendid Cupcake, splendid.
DANDINI - Yes it does seem to be sire. Sire you seem to have forgotten about the Dandini thing.
PRINCE - Oh sorry Cupcake, I promise I'll make more of an effort in future.
NARRATOR - Your royal Highness, my lords, ladies and gentlemen may I introduce Angelina, Baroness Hardup and her two delightful, it says here, daughters Miss Ann Hardup and Miss Summer Hardup (all three enter and make a bee-line for the Prince)
BARONESS - Oh Prince Charming how charming it is to meet you. What a charming Palace. I am so looking forward to meeting your charming Mother, the Queen. It's all too charming for words but where are my manners. These two charming and delicate little flowers are my charming daughters Ann and Summer (Ann and Summer are all over the Prince like a rash) I'm sure you will think them both equally charming and I know it will be difficult to chose between them but Ann is the elder sister and we would so like to get her off our hands as soon as possible (Ann looks daggers at her Mother) But, well, I'll let you decide. . . .Oh words fail me. . . .it's all too. . . .
DANDINI - Charming?
BARONESS - Yes that's it, charming.
PRINCE - (trying to disentangle himself) Charmed I'm sure. Madam do you think you could call your daughters to heel.
BARONESS - What? Oh sorry Princey. They are apt to be a little eager. Ann, Summer come here and stand by Mama so that the Prince can view you from afar.
DANDINI - That. In my opinion, is where they should be viewed from, afar, far, far, afar.
PRINCE - Yes perhaps you and your er.. girls would like to settle down and watch the entertainment. My Mother, the Queen, has gone to a lot of trouble to make this a night to remember.
ELLIE - (coming forward holding poster) Excuse me, your Highness, it has been brought to our notice that the divine Doreen will be unable to appear as she has a severe cold and has lost her voice(everyone moans) Dr. Basley has ordered her
PRINCE - Oh dear. What a shame. I was looking forward to a nice sing-song with Auntie Doreen. Never mind we'll have to make do with the dancing.
AMBER (coming forward holding a poster) Excuse me your Highness. It has been brought to our notice that Froo-Froo Flatley will be unable to appear as she has a severe case of flat feet (everyone moans) Dr. Basley has ordered her to bed.
PRINCE - Oh I say. That really is too bad. What are we going to do Cupcake?
DANDINI - Why not send everyone in for the buffet sire and then we can start the dancing.
PRINCE - Oh yes, good idea. Listen everyone if you would like to make your way to the dining room there is a delicious buffet awaiting you. Once again my Mother, the Queen has spared no expense. Our esteemed Producer has made a dirty great plateful of her famous tuna sandwiches (everyone groans) followed by Cupcake's cupcakes (cast goes off)
DANDINI - Oh sire I thought the fact that I made fairy buns in my spare time was going to our little secret.
PRINCE - Oh sorry Cupcake I completely forgot. Never mind perhaps they weren't listening. At least it explains your nickname (to audience) in case anybody got any ideas (cast back on)
BARONESS - (eating the remains of a bun, goes over to Dandini) Cupcake these cupcakes are delicious. You must give my servant the recipe. Perhaps you could rustle some up for the wedding.
DANDINI - (opens mouth then looks at Baroness) Wedding, what wedding?
BARONESS - The Prince's of course. That is when he has decided which of my gorgeous girls he wishes to make his own (she walks off leaving Dandini looking speechless)
NARRATOR - Your royal Highness, my lords, ladies and gentlemen may I introduce Princess Crystal (Cinderella appears, Prince looks duly impresses and Dandini gives a wolf whistle)
PRINCE - (rushes over to Cinders and kisses her hand) I am delighted to meet you Princess Crystal. You look strangely familiar. Have we perhaps met before? (Cinders flutters her eyelashes and looks down but says nothing - music starts)Perhaps you would do me the honour of having this dance with me (everyone starts to dance - after a while a hand comes out of the curtain holding a clock with it's hands at midnight - clock starts to chime)
CINDERS - Oh dear is that the time? Oh dear this is dreadful. I must leave at once.
PRINCE - Oh must you go? I would like to get to know you better.
CINDERS - Oh no I must. You don't understand (starts to run out) This is dreadful, dreadful. (exits, leaving one shoe behind)
PRINCE - (picks up shoe and goes over to Dandini) Oh Dandini what am I to do? The Princess has gone but look she has left her shoe behind.
DANDINI - Don't worry sire we'll find her. At least you remembered to call me Dandini.
PRINCE - Oh did I Cupcake. I told you I would make more of an effort. Come, let's go and search the grounds and see if we can find Princess Crystal. I found her quite fascinating. Everyone carry on dancing. (Dancers come on and everyone dances.)
NARRATOR - Your royal Highness, my lords, ladies and gentlemen her Majesty the Queen (everyone turns to the side curtain and bows or curtsies. Curtains close)
Scene 5 - F.O.T. (Prince and Dandini enter)
DANDINI- Well sire I think yesterday's ball went down very well. I had an excellent time.
PRINCE - I'm sure you did. I saw you chatting up the Producer in the corner of the dining room.
DANDINI - Yes sire. She's a very nice woman when you get to know her.
PRINCE - A bit old for you isn't she?
DANDINI - You know what they say sire. Many a good tune played on an old fiddle.
PRINCE - Well you'd never be short of something to eat that's for sure. That woman could make tuna sandwiches in her sleep.
DANDINI - They do say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach,sire.
PRINCE - Yes that's all very well but what about finding my Princess. What are you going to do about that?
DANDINI - Are we perhaps getting a little tetchy sire just because my love life is going better than yours. (Prince looks mutinous) I gave the matter some thought when I was lying awake in bed last night.
PRINCE - With indigestion, no doubt, after all those tuna sandwiches you scoffed.
DANDINI - (ignoring him) And it is my considered opinion that we need to do a house to house search.
PRINCE - A what? Come again.
DANDINI - Don't forget you have the Princess' shoe. Just call on every house in the near vicinity and ask to be introduced to all the young ladies in the household. Then get them to try on the shoe. Whoever it fits must be the Princess. Any young lady between the ages of 16 and 25.
PRINCE - It's a good job we're not doing this looking for your er.. young lady. I'm sure the Producer doesn't fall anywhere between 16 and 25.
DANDINI - She may be a tad over the upper age limit but I don't see that that is relevant sire. It's you that's lost your girlfriend not me.
PRINCE - Oh I'm sorry Cupcake. All this is making me very edgy. Yes I think a house to house search sounds just the ticket. We'll just keep knocking on doors until we find her.
DANDINI - Yes sire. I hope it doesn't take too long otherwise she'll be as old as my Producer.
PRINCE - I'll tell her you said that when I see her! Come on Cupcake there's no time to delay. Let's go back to the Palace and get her shoe and then get cracking. (rubs hands together and starts to exit)
DANDINI - (following him) Perhaps we could just have a cup of tea and a tuna sandwich first. I seem to have acquired the taste for them. (Sing a little SONG whilst marching around the stage - at the end both exits)
Scene 6 - KITCHEN AT HARDUP HALL
(Cinderella sits sobbing at one side of the table. Buttons and Velcro stand by looking helpless. Mice are crying at the side of stage near piano.
CINDERS - Oh Buttons, oh Velcro. I am so sad. I met the Prince last night at the ball and he is my one true love. He is the boy I met in the woods. He told me he was just a lowly servant but he isn't, he's the Prince. I think he almost recognised me but I can't be sure.
BUTTONS - Why didn't you make yourself known?
CINDERS - I was afraid to. The Fairy-Godmothers said I was not to speak to anyone, no matter what. I was too frightened. I didn't know what would happen.
VELCRO - Poor Cinders. What will you do?
CINDERS - I don't know. Ooh (starts to sob)
BARONESS - (entering with Ann and Summer) What's going on here? Why is everyone wailing? Where's our elevensies? Cinderella get us some coffee and chocolate digestives. And you'd better get me a dose of Gaviscon (rubs stomach) I think I over indulged with the tuna sandwiches!
ANN - (coming centre stage) Oh I had such a good time last night. I think the Prince fell for me big time!
SUMMER - (coming centre stage) Oh sister dear you're having a laugh. It was me the Prince was making eyes at all night. (stand facing each other looking daggers)
BARONESS - (coming over and parting them) Now, now my pretties. You'll both spoil your looks scowling like that. Yes you should have been there Cinderella. The Prince couldn't take his eyes off my girls. He was distracted momentarily by some Princess or other but she had to leave in a hurry and the Prince soon forgot her. (Cinders starts to sob again)
ANN - Why did she run off do think Mama?
BARONESS - How the heck should I know. Probably had a bus to catch.
SUMMER - Let's hope it took her a long way away. We don't want to see her this side of the wedding.
BARONESS - Speaking of which did the prince propose to either of you two?
ANN (looking sheepish) Er no Mama.
SUMMER - (looking sheepish) No Mama.
BARONESS - Oh well there's plenty of time. You probably left him speechless.
ANN - Yes Mama. He did seem to be struck dumb on more than one occasion.
BARONESS - I think I will ring the Queen this afternoon to thank her for inviting us to the ball and to see if she knows which one of you Princey-baby fancies. (Doorbell chimes)
SUMMER - That will be my Avon.
BARONESS - (looking towards the curtain) Oh my goodness, I don't believe it. You'll never guess who it is.
ANN - Not her Avon obviously.
BARONESS - It's the PRINCE. THE PRINCE. Here on our doormat. (starts rushing around) Buttons go and answer the door. (Buttons exits) Cinderella, Velcro get in the scullery now. The Prince has not come to see the likes of you two. (Cinderella bursts into tears - both exit to Glenys) and don't come out until I say so.
BUTTONS - (entering with Prince and Dandini) His royal Highness Prince Charming and er…(looks at Dandini)
DANDINI - Dandini.
BUTTONS - Dandini.
SUMMER - (moving over to Dandini simpering) Oh I know you, you're the one who makes the buns aren't you.
PRINCE - Don't waste your time fluttering your eyelashes at him. He's spoken for. Besides you're much too young. (Dandini looks indignant)
BARONESS - To what do we owe this honour your High and Mightyness. Although I think I can probably guess (fluttering)
PRINCE - I hope not dear lady (aside to the audience) If this shoe fits either of these two I'll throw myself into a vat of Dandini's cake mix!
BARONESS - Which one is it to be sire?
PRINCE - Well it doesn't really matter who goes first.
BARONESS - It doesn't matter who goes first. What do you mean sire? What sort of girls do you think they are? Do you intend to marry them both?
PRINCE - MARRY? MARRY? Who said anything about getting married?
BARONESS - You did sire.
PRINCE - No I didn't.
BARONESS - Well I thought that was why you were here. To ask my daughters, I mean one of my daughters for her hand in marriage.
DANDINI - It's her feet he's interested in not her hand.
BARONESS - Eh?
PRINCE - Let me explain. A shoe was left behind at the ball last night and I have vowed to marry whoevers foot it fits. So if you would like to hand over the shoe Cupcake and get this over with. (takes shoe and peers inside) It says here that a chap called George made it. Is he the royal shoemaker Cupcake?
DANDINI - I don't somehow think he has made any shoes for you sire but he has been known to make me the odd pair.
ANN - (starts pushing and rushes to bring a chair centre stage) Hey Princey let me try first. I'm the oldest.
SUMMER - He wouldn't doubt that for a moment sister dear. Go ahead be my guest. Age before beauty.
ANN - (sits down, grabs shoe and tries to get her foot in it) My foot seems to be a little swollen. It's probably from all that dancing. I'm sure it will fit me perfectly once my athlete's foots cleared up. If you just wait awhile until I have soaked them in a little cold water.
SUMMER - (pushes her off the chair) What's the point? You can see it wouldn't fit you in a month of Sundays (snatches shoe) give it here. I can see it will be a perfect fit. (tries it on, struggles and starts to wail. Throws shoe at Prince) Oh drat the thing, it must have shrunk.
PRINCE - Well thank goodness for that! (looks at Baroness) I mean what a pity. Never mind we'll bid you good day ladies.
DANDINI - Just a minute sire. Before we leave are there any more young ladies in the household that we don't know about (picks up shoe)
BARONESS - Oh no sire.
VELCRO - (entering) Oh yes there is. What about Cinderella?
PRINCE - Cinderella. Who is she?
BARONESS - Oh she's just a lowly servant girl. Ugly as sin. It couldn't be her. She never leaves the kitchen.
PRINCE - Nevertheless perhaps we should see her. You boy (points to Velcro) go and fetch her.
VELCRO - (bows to the Prince) Yes sire it will be a pleasure (exits - comes back with Cinderella) Here she is sire.
PRINCE You! You are the girl in the woods and I've just realised you are Princess Crystal from last night. I'm right aren't I?
CINDERS - Yes your Highness (curtsies)
PRINCE - Why didn't you say something?
CINDERS - I couldn't sire. My Fairy-Godmothers had cast a spell and they would not allow me to speak. I was frightened of breaking the spell. As it was I left the ball too late and had to walk all the way down Church Road with my dress in tatters carrying a pumpkin and two white mice. And I only had one shoe on!
PRINCE (holds her in his arms) Oh my dear how dreadful.
DANDINI - (taps him on the shoulder) Excuse me sire. Before you get carried away don't you think you should get her to try the shoe on, just to be sure?
CINDERS - I know who you are. You're the one my beloved calls Cupcake.
DANDINI - Yes and one day I'll tell you why his nickname used to be Beefcake. What do you say sire?
PRINCE - Yes alright. You're just getting your own back because I had a go at your girlfriend.
DANDINI - Not at all sire, not at all. Anyway (hands him the shoe and points to Cinderella)
PRINCE - What? Oh yes of course. Take a seat and let me try this shoe on you my dear (he slips it on her foot - all the time the Prince and Cinderella are together the Baroness, Ann and Summer are seething in the background. When they see the shoe fits they burst into tears)
PRINCE -At last I have found you my one true love. (takes her in his arms - sings the first line of I Could Be Happy With You - Cinders sings the second line)
BARON - (entering) What's going one here? I'm sure Prince Charming's coach is parked outside. Oh sire (bows) it is you. Welcome to my humble abode.
PRINCE - Who are you?
BARON - I am Baron Hardup, Cinderella's father.
PRINCE - How do you do sir. May I take this opportunity of asking for you daughter's hand in marriage?
BARON - Er..yes. I didn't even know you two knew each other.
CINDERS - He's the boy in the woods I told you about Father.
PRINCE - (turns to Baron and waves his hand in the direction of Baroness, Ann and Summer) Who are these three er. . . .ladies Baron.
CINDERS - That (waves to Baroness) is my dear Father's horrible wife who tricked him into marrying him on the internet and they (waves to Ann and Summer) are her horrible daughters. They have made our lives a misery.
BARON - I'm ashamed to say that it is true sire but yesterday I made my mind up that enough was enough. I came down here this morning to tell them they have to go!
PRINCE - Baron let me do it for you (Baron looks to protest but Prince raises his hand) No I insist. It would be a pleasure.
BARON - How can I refuse your Highness. (bows)
PRINCE - (turns to Baroness, An and Summer) now you three pack your bags and clear off. Leave this town and never darken our doorstep again (they all start to protest but the Prince points to the door and they take the hint and exit)
BARON - Well done your Highness. How can I ever thank you?
PRINCE - Let this be a lesson to you Baron. Never trust the internet to find yourself a wife. Much better to meet her in the flesh first and then you know what you are letting yourself in for. Isn't that right Cupcake? (Dandini looks indignant)
CINDERS - Oh Father. I'm so happy but what will you do when I go to live at the Palace?
PRINCE - Don't worry about all that my dear. We'll get this place smartened up again eh Baron and set you up in a nice little business and I will introduce you to my Mother, the Queen. Sometimes she gets a little lonely. You could take her out for a nice meal. She's quite partial to a Chinese. Who knows where it might lead.
BILLY (entering with Willy) Any room in these plans for us two your Highness?
PRINCE - (looks them up and down) Yes I dare say. How about you two and Buttons and Velcro going into business providing coach and horses for posh weddings?
VELCRO - That would be great your Highness. I've always wanted to work with horses.
FIONA - (entering with Felicity) As long as they are proper horses and not two white mice with delusions of grandeur.
PRINCE - Who are you?
CINDERS - They're the Fairy-Godmother I told you about. Without them none of this would have happened.
FELICITY - Oh Fiona how lovely. Everything has worked out for the best in the end (claps hands)
FIONA - It usually does about this time of night. This lot (waves to audience) need to get home
FELICITY - Are we going to get ready for the wedding? I managed to get a lovely hat in the Oxfam sale.
PRINCE - Shortly. How about one last song SONG - Happy Days Are Here Again (curtains close)
N ARRATOR - Well that's our story told. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we did. Of course you are all invited to the wedding. But first Buttons and Velcro and their new best friends Billy and Willy are going to entertain you with a song. That's a nice treat for you isn't it?
BUTTONS, VELCRO, BILLY AND WILLY SING SONG.
MICE SING LITTLE WHITE MICE SONG
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